23 year old graphic arts student with Non-verbal Learning Disability (NLD/NVLD). I have pink hair, depression/anxiety/agoraphobia and rather inexplicably, attempts at socializing on the internet even though I want to give me extremely bad social anxiety. So hello, I have probably admired you from afar but am too terrified to say hello.
Nevertheless because I am expected to by the people of my generation, I have one of these things, and I enjoy it in low doses from time to time, especially fandom things, animals, music, and art things.
Background is Spiral Galaxy M74 and is from the Hubble Space Telescope.
fuck this. fuck everything. I just want to not do anything for a while. I can’t even deal with my mental health in small slices let alone large slices and after the abrupt descent into being sick for about 2 months solid on top of perpetual panic attacks on top of the death of my mouse on top of the stress at work on top of school I cannot process things, I cannot care anymore, all my papers are late and I just want to drop my courses because its too much effort for nothing to even try when I do work even from home. I feel grey seeping in, and it terrifies me because the last time I felt this perpetually fucking exhausted and colorless and stopped enjoying things I got so brutally depressed I dropped out of school and spent several horrible dark months existing confined to my house while going round and round the cocktail of meds and psychiatry appts and ppl asking me if I was ok.
No I am not fucking ok, I want to be left the fuck alone until I stop hurting, then I’ll come back and be friendly for as long as I can possibly tolerate before my threshold snaps and I have to go hide and recover.
I never want to go through that again.
and this is the goddamned last time that I EVER listen to anyone tell me it’s a “bad idea to take time off school because you’ll never go back!” fuck you you don’t live in my brain, ok? it’s a mess rn. fuck off. I need to go to school w/ precedence over my job cause I gotta get through but I need to keep my job if I can through the end of the summer to afford shit & get outta debt as much as possible and that is literally the only reason I stayed there (well & I am making friends but man, it would be easier if I hadn’t fucking had the brilliant idea to put myself through a goddamned emotional meat grinder and did one thing at a time and not all at once)